Oblivious
by renrenren3
Summary: Phoenix Wright plays the Ace Attorney series and makes a shocking discovery. Contains some breaking of the 4th wall and much crack.


Phoenix Wright knew, of course, that there were games about some of his most famous cases. After all he'd had to sign all sort of legal documents to authorize the developers to use his name and image, then go through lots of publicity shots and interviews. The games had also provided a steady source of income in the troublesome years when he was no longer a defense attorney but not a professional poker player yet.

In all those years he'd never actually gotten around to playing them. What would the point be, he reasoned, since he knew the plot and all of the characters?

However, when the newest game came out, he gave in to Trucy's insistent requests and he tried playing some of Apollo's cases.

It was much better than he thought, and it felt great to be able to shout "Objection!" again. Soon he was showing random evidence to the characters and clicking on random objects in the background even though he knew perfectly well the solution to the cases.

When he returned the game to Trucy, he asked to borrow the others. She grinned from ear to ear and went to fetch them.

It was weird to be playing as himself, but Phoenix adjusted to that quickly. He felt ten years younger as he once again battled Miles Edgeworth in court. Everything was just as he remembered. Except, perhaps...

He only realized it in the middle of the third game, but there was something off in the dialogues. But there was no time to think about it now - his client was counting on him, and Phoenix didn't want to get a guilty verdict even in a game.

---

The next morning he woke up late and stumbled in the kitchen rubbing his eyes. Trucy scowled at him as she cooked breakfast.

"Daddy, you look terrible," she said bluntly. "You shouldn't stay up late to play games, it's bad for your health."

Phoenix hung his head. "I know, sorry. I won't do it again."

Trucy scowled at him for a bit longer, then shrugged and smiled. "So, did you like them?"

"The games? Yes, they were very well-made." Phoenix thanked the little magician as she not-so-magically conjured a plate of scrambled eggs from the stove and set it in front of him. "Though," he said after a few bites, "they took a bit of liberties with my character."

"How so?" Trucy asked, curious.

Phoenix thought back for a while. "In the first place, I don't think my hair ever looked that absurd. I did style it with spikes," he added quickly, preventing Trucy's objection. "But it was nothing so exaggerated! I also don't remember saying lots of the lines that there are in the game."

"Really?" Trucy replied, thoughtful. "I thought everything sounded like things that you would say, Daddy. But I didn't really know you at the time, maybe you were different when you were young."

Phoenix laughed. "For example, I'm sure I would have remembered if I'd said anything suggestive to Edgeworth," he said.

"Oh, I think I know what you're referring to," Trucy replied, lighting up. "Like in that case... and in that other case..."

"Please don't say anything more," Phoenix said, raising his hands in mock surrender. "Just reading those bits of dialogue was making me embarrassed, I don't think I could stand hearing them said aloud."

"So you never said anything like that?" said Trucy. She looked vaguely disappointed, though Phoenix couldn't guess why.

"I'm certain," he replied. "Whatever made you think the contrary? From the way my character speaks in those games, you'd think I was gay for Edgey!"

Trucy's expression didn't change. "And isn't that true?" she said, puzzled.

Phoenix's grin faded a bit, and only his years of experience as a lawyer prevented him from staring at her open-mouthed and dumbstruck.

"Absolutely not!" he insisted. Why would his own daughter think that?

"But Daddy, you always say to look at evidence, and all the evidence here points to..."

He bolted down his breakfast and quickly made his escape.

---

Phoenix had some business at the tribunal that day, which was just as well. It gave him time to reorder his thoughts and prepare a good argument to defend his point. He was most definitely not gay for Edgeworth.

On his way out he was greeted by Ema Skye, who had been called to present some evidence for an ongoing trial but seemed happier to lounge in front of the vending machines munching Snackoos.

"Hey, Wright," she called, flicking a Snackoo at him by way of a greeting. "Is Apollo around? I've got a complaint to make."

"Hi, Ema," he replied, brushing some crumbs out of his face. Her aim had improved again. "What happened?"

The detective pouted, pausing her munching for a moment. "I was playing that new game, the one with Apollo on the cover," she said. "It was completely ridiculous! The characters are all messed up!"

"Wasn't it?" Phoenix said, relieved. If he could get a witness to say that the characters and their actions weren't realistic, it would help his case against Trucy. "Do you have any proof to sustain your theory?"

"Of course I have," Ema replied between a Snackoo and the other. "For example, just look at all the parts with me. There's not nearly enough scientific investigation! It's as if I never do anything but wander around and eat."

Phoenix had to go against his instincts and refrain from objecting, even though all evidence indeed seemed to point that lounging around and eating Snackoos was all the work that Detective Skye ever did.

"Besides," Ema continued. "I never saw the point of making games about lawyers. Whoever had that crazy idea? Games are usually about detectives. Investigations are much more interesting than sitting around in a stuffy room and arguing."

Again, Phoenix felt the urge to remark that he'd always had to do most of the investigative work himself, but as he opened his mouth a Snackoo was hurled his way and he decided not to argue.

"So you agree that the games are not realistic?" he said. "That the characters do and say things that we have never done or said in reality?"

Ema pouted again. "Yeah. Pretty much. Not me, at least."

This cheered Phoenix up immensely. "You've got to tell this to Trucy. This morning she wouldn't believe me when I told her that some of the scenes from those games didn't really happen."

"So? Where's the problem?" Ema asked. Her mood seemed to darken, and Phoenix wished he'd worded that last sentence differently. Ema never liked being told to do things. "It shouldn't be a problem for you, Wright," she insisted. "_Your_ character hasn't been turned into a Snackoo-eating monster, you sound just like your usual smartass self."

"Yes, but still," Phoenix replied, letting the smartass comment slide for now. "I also say lots of lines that are really, really embarrassing. Especially to Edgeworth," he added lamely.

The smirk that appeared on Ema's face didn't look encouraging at all. "Oh, that," she said in a tone that sounded much too amused. "What's wrong with the things you said to Edgeworth? Apart from making you sound like you're really, really..."

"Objection!" Phoenix exclaimed, cutting her off mid-sentence, unable to contain himself any longer. For lack of a better surface he smacked the palm of one hand with his fist. "I never said any of the most embarrassing lines, they're all made up."

"Oooh?" Ema grinned again. "I wasn't around for all of your cases, but from what I recall the lines in the game were taken word for word from the transcriptions of the trials..."

"But many conversations have taken place outside the tribunal and there are no court records for those," Phoenix insisted. He wished Ema would go back to her Snackoos. Why did she have to take an interest in making fun of him like this?

"Objection overruled!" boomed a voice behind them. Phoenix turned around to see the Judge, holding a plastic cup of coffee. "Mr Wright, the fact that not all of them were recorded doesn't mean that some of them were. If you'd like, we will check the transcriptions of your trials against Prosecutor Edgeworth, but I think that won't be necessary. Everyone present remembers your antics."

Check the records? For something like this? Was this even legal?

Phoenix had began to sweat heavily, trying hard to remember. Had he really said anything like... like _that_? Maybe in the heat of a trial. But then again why hadn't anyone told him about it, instead of making him look like an idiot almost a decade later?

---

Phoenix made his escape as Ema was called back to give her testimony. He stormed down the corridors thinking fast, unsure of how he should start piecing together a case where all evidence pointed against him. Circumstantial evidence, he had to remind himself, it was all circumstantial evidence.

Maybe the best course of action would be to call a character witness who could testify that, without any doubt, he was _not_ gay for Edgey.

He was so busy with his thoughts that he almost bumped into Detective Gumshoe on the steps. He apologized, then remembered that Gumshoe had known both him and Edgey for years. He could surely vouch for him, so Phoenix quickly explained the situation.

"Detective Gumshoe, would you say that I sounded... a bit gay, while I was talking to Edgeworth?" Phoenix concluded nervously. "Or with Edgeworth?"

Gumshoe scratched his head, looking a bit uncertain. "Not really," he said eventually."I'd say you sounded _a lot _gay, pal." Phoenix's relieved sigh turned into an horrified stare, but Gumshoe went on blithely. "I didn't want to bring it up, thought it wasn't my own business. I always assumed you'd figure it out among the two of us, you and Prosecutor Edgeworth."

Phoenix blanched. "You thought..."

"Everyone did, back in the day," Gumshoe confirmed. "I was a bit surprised when Edgeworth moved to Europe, but I thought you had a lovers' spat or something."

Cold dread set in Phoenix's stomach. How could something (and something so ridiculous too) be so obvious to everyone but him?

There was only one thing left to check now.

---

Fortunately he was already in the area, and the bespectacled secretary informed Phoenix that yes, Procurator Edgeworth was in his office at the moment, and yes, he could see him now if it was about something urgent.

"It's a matter of vital importance," Phoenix replied, slamming the office door open without even knocking.

Edgeworth looked up from the documents he was reading, setting them on the desk with a sigh. "Wright, will you ever learn to knock before barging into somebody's office like that?" he complained.

Phoenix ignored that and crossed the lenght of the office with long strides, slamming his fists on the desk. "Edgey," he said, staring balefully at him. "Why didn't you tell me I was gay for you?"

Edgeworth stared back with a look that was one part surprise and four parts annoyance. "Just what are you talking about?" he asked.

"The things I said to you back in the day!" Phoenix said, desperately. "I've been talking with lots of people and everyone agrees that I sounded as if I was gay!"

"You've only realized this now, Wright?" Edgeworth said. "If this is all the urgent news you had to tell me, could you please leave? I have work to do," he added, trying to retrieve his paperwork.

Phoenix slammed his fist on the desk again. "Hold it!" he cried. "You mean you'd noticed? When?"

Edgeworth raised on eyebrow. "What do you mean with "noticed"? I've known it all along."

"But why didn't you say anything to me?" Phoenix groaned. "Didn't it seem strange to you, that I kept saying... saying stuff like... I... to you... "

His voice trailed off as he was unable to repeat words that he had, apparently, uttered on a daily basis for years.

"I've long ago stopped trying to make sense of what's going on inside your brain, Wright," the prosecutor said with a shrug. "Besides, it would have been hardly appropriate for _me_ to tell _you_ that you, to put it in your regrettably straightforward words, were gay for me."

Phoenix's jaw fell. He recognized defeat when he saw it. The evidence and witnesses' accounts were too much, and he was only too glad that the Judge wasn't there. He didn't fancy being declared "guilty of abysmal idiocy".

"I suppose I might have been... a little oblivious of my own feelings," Phoenix admitted.

Edgeworth smirked. "So what will you do now that you've found out?"

On this point at least, Phoenix's mind was very clear. He leaned forward and kissed Edgeworth.

For a while there was no talking, and Phoenix was grateful of that since he didn't think he was in full control of his mind any more.

Eventually he had to pull apart to breathe, and Edgeworth took that chance to retrieve his paperwork and fend him off.

"Please leave," he said, pointing towards the door and ignoring Phoenix's whines for a _goodbye kiss_. "Unlike you, I'm very busy."

Phoenix's hand was on the door handle when Edgeworth called after him. "The next time you attempt to make out with me, please have the decency to shave before."

Phoenix complied.


End file.
